fortune

[Foundation]

Als het leren niet wil vlotten kan een mens zich nog altijd tot het geluk wenden, in de vorm van hoefijzers, klavertjes vier, de lotto, of veel beter: /usr/share/fortune .

Net ontdekt dat die in de linux klas geïnstalleerd zijn, op de oude fenix zijn ze niet te vinden. Er zijn der plezanter dan dees, maar de database is gewoon te groot om ze helemaal door te nemen en de beste der uit te plukken:

A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.

If you can't read this, blame a teacher.

A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake
without ketchup and mustard.

=== ALL CSH USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================

Set the variable $LOSERS to all the people that you think are losers. This
will cause all said losers to have the variable $PEOPLE-WHO-THINK-I-AM-A-LOSER
updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a
machine with poor response time and a machine on your local net is currently
populated by losers, that machine will be freed up for your job through a
cold boot process.

A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
by Mark Twain

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped
to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer
be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained
would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2
might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
"i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

Hint: try "fortune limerick" in de linux klas G026 ...

[Robbe]

hmm, die limerick heb ik precies niet geinstalleerd staan. dit is een van mijn favorieten:

"Good afternoon, madam. How may I help you?"

"Good afternoon. I'd like a FrintArms HandCannon, please."

"A--? Oh, now, that's an awfully big gun for such a lovely lady. I
mean, not everybody thinks ladies should carry guns at all, though I
say they have a right to. But I think... I might... Let's have a look
down here. I might have just the thing for you. Yes, here we are!
Look at that, isn't it neat? Now that is a FrintArms product as well,
but it's what's called a laser -- a light-pistol some people call
them. Very small, as you see; fits easily into a pocket or bag; won't
spoil the line of a jacket; and you won't feel you're lugging half a
tonne of iron around with you. We do a range of matching accessories,
including -- if I may say so -- a rather saucy garter holster. Wish I
got to do the fitting for that! Ha -- just my little joke. And
there's *even*... here we are -- this special presentation pack: gun,
charged battery, charging unit, beautiful glider-hide shoulder holster
with adjustable fitting and contrast stitching, and a discount on your
next battery. Full instructions, of course, and a voucher for free
lessons at your local gun club or range. Or there's the *special*
presentation pack; it has all the other one's got but with *two*
charged batteries and a night-sight, too. Here, feel that -- don't
worry, it's a dummy battery -- isn't it neat? Feel how light it is?
Smooth, see? No bits to stick out and catch on your clothes, *and*
beautifully balanced. And of course the beauty of a laser is, there's
no recoil. Because it's shooting light, you see? Beautiful gun,
beautiful gun; my wife has one. Really. That's not a line, she
really has. Now, I can do you that one -- with a battery and a free
charge -- for ninety-five; or the presentation pack on a special
offer for one-nineteen; or this, the special presentation pack, for
one-forty-nine."

"I'll take the special."

"Sound choice, madam, *sound* choice. Now, do--?"

"And a HandCannon, with the eighty-mill silencer, five GP clips, three
six-five AP/wire-flechettes clips, two bipropellant HE clips, and a
Special Projectile Pack if you have one -- the one with the embedding
rounds, not the signalers. I assume the night-sight on this toy is
compatible?"

"Aah... yes, And how does madam wish to pay?"

She slapped her credit card on the counter. "Eventually."

-- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background"

[Foundation]

http://www.nikhef.nl/~janjust/fortune.html

[Foundation]

More quotes!
http://snafu.priv.at/mystuff/sigquotes.txt

[HyperQuantum]

http://snafu.priv.at/mystuff/sigquotes.txt

"A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
-- Paul Erdos"